HOW MY PRIDE KILL ME.
Happy new month to my wonderful readers and friends, and to all subscribers too. Please if you have not subscribed yet, do well to subscribe. It has been long guys, really long.
It is story time…
I never really cared about being the most beautiful girl in the room. It never bothered me that in comparing how good all the girls in the room were looking and I would be considered the least. I was more concerned about something else; I loved being the smartest in the room.
As time passed, I noticed that in the midst of a group of guys, somehow, I was usually the only female of the second female in the group, guess what? I loved it, very much. Why? I never felt intimidated by their presence. Instead, I always looked for something I could intimidate them with.
The most amazing thing about this was, I actually really disliked the male folks, a lot. My opinion of them- deceivers and opportunists. How did I get here? Many young ladies who sound this way were either physically abused or emotionally trampled upon. Neither of these was my plight. So what happened?
My experience as a teenage girl. I think I need to mention that it is easy for us to loath those who steal from us the things we value the most in our lives. In my case, it was the joy of being seen as bright student. Sounds fickle, right? I don’t think so. What did the boys do? They set a trend and let us follow it. Every girl just had to get a boyfriend, and they did everything to ensure that every pretty and intelligent girl got hooked.
I actually didn’t get hooked but the distractions were unbearable and I failed. I was hurt, failing in academics was shameful, and it was the only thing at the time that gave me a sense of worth, my feeling of pride. It gave me joy and these guys stole my joy, so I resolved later on to loathe them and never take them really serious.
What followed this feeling? As I moved on with my schooling (I am careful not to say education because these two are completely different), I made friends with guys but was very careful not to get emotionally attached to them, and I always ensured that they were not smarter than I am, even if they were, I just needed to find something I could at and hold on to as a Flaw they had. There was some sort of special happiness seeing them as not so mighty after-all gave me.
Every time I met a guy who made me feel intimidated, who made me feel less smarter than I think I am, I was hurt and the only resolve was to either end my friendship, I did this a couple of times though.
At this point, I could call myself a feminist, with myself inflated ego.
Feminism felt like my safe place, it made me see myself as really strong, I felt impregnable. Every time I felt hurt by something a guy did, I just had to remind myself that they were just always there to cause pain. I lived this way for the most part of my teenage.
If only I realized early that I was just hurting myself.
Why did I choose to share this story now? There is usually hope for healing when we hear the testimonies of other people. I hope that someone who is living this way would read this story and realize destructive pride can be.
Being aware of who you are, is a great thing. Also, playing to ones strength is awesome but it should never lead to any form of competition. Setting goals and achieving the goals you set, building and developing yourself are all wonderful things you can do for yourself. Should we then ruin our own joy with our hands by working ourselves up just because we need to feel like the best in the room?
Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying “become a mediocre, settle for less than you deserve, allow people put you down, No. That is not the message.
Here is a quote I love, “nobody actually rises by putting others down.”
We are told in the bible to esteem others more than ourselves. This means valuing others, seeing them as being as great and as wonderful as you are and genuinely loving them. However, in talking about genuine love, I should state bluntly that it is only in Christ that this is found.
When you get to the point of selflessness. This is the point where you are open-minded to learn from others as well.
I have written this for myself, and for you too because we all need to grow.
This month, we will be talking about personal growth. I hope someone has learnt from these things. There is an important part of the story that was left out, it will come up later.
I want to get your thoughts o this, please leave comments in the box and if you have not subscribed, please do, I would be glad you did.