We are going to the dentist to know what we can do about this tooth. When school is on holiday, I will take you to the hospital mom told me. I had never visited a dentist, I thought only special kids had issues that took them to the dentist, so, I was anxious. I really wanted to tell the story of my visit to the dentist, what it felt like. I was only 11, in j.s.s. 2 and didn’t know I would be telling the story of how I got the big gap.
If I had known that the hurt this visit would cause me would last longer than two days of eating only cold meals and constant washing of my mouth with warm water and salt as prescribed by the doctor ( a prescription indeed), I wouldn’t have allowed mom take me to see Mr. dentist, who assured me that everything was going to be fine after he had looked at the result of the x-ray which I did. Perhaps, Mr. Dentist isn’t to be blamed, but my mom.
The tooth should be out in six months, if it doesn’t you will have to come back to and we will help you force it out and but braces on them. I immediately started imagining what it would and feel like to be one of those nerdy kids that used glasses and had braces in their mouth for teeth support. I wanted that. I was already a shy girl and wasn’t among the popular kids in school so it didn’t matter after all.
Let me see your teeth, mom said when I got home from the hospital. I opened my mouth to reveal the ‘big gap’ between my front teeth. My tooth was gone. Mummy, the dentist said if after six months the tooth hiding under my gum doesn’t come out, I should come back to have it forced out, then he will put braces on them, I innocently told my mom. Braces? That will not happen, don’t worry, within six months, the tooth will be out. From that day, I walked about with my ‘ big gap’ and my imagination of what the braces will look like on me.
Eleven years later, I am still wondering, was there really a tooth hiding somewhere? All these years, I had to live with envy for every girl who had a pretty smile showing her teeth in her pictures. Even when I had to laugh while with friends, I had to cover my mouth with my hands so I don’t show my ugly teeth to everyone.
This conscious living was a burden to me as a teenager, even into early adulthood, I prayed for that time in my life when I can finally get a lasting solution. Compliments like ‘ I like your smile, never came and when they did, made me nervous. I felt like Cinderella the unappreciated pretty girl. My siblings, even though younger, teased me sore and friends were not encouraging.
When I eventually started using a smart-phone, and could take photographs to post on Facebook, I always reminded myself not to smile with my teeth showing. In-fact, I rehearsed before my shots. How do you think this affected my self-confidence? My relationships? I had a boyfriend who I felt didn’t like me much because in my mind I always thought, I wasn’t pretty enough. Every aspect of my life was affected by what seemed to be a simple thing that really didn’t matter. Dear me.
Breakthroughs are necessary healing pills. I longed for my breakthrough. I longed for the day I was going to upload one picture with my teeth showing. For moments I would share with friends without feeling that I needed to be conscious around them. I longed to love every photograph I took that reveals my ‘big gap’ while I smile. Dear courage, thank you for wrapping me in your arms the day I took this picture.
There are thousands of me out me out there. Thousands who loathe their bodies or something they are ashamed of. That one thing that has kept you in the bondage of self loathing, anger, jealousy, a trampled self-confidence, a wounded pride and left you with no self-love.
You know I thought then that my boyfriend didn’t like me much because he didn’t think I was pretty enough. Guess what? I was merely thinking for him. Another guess? You are doing the same too. Most times when we think people see our flaws and judge us by them, they don’t see nothing. These are our own self inflicting imaginations. I cannot offer 10 or 15 steps to breakthrough. I can simply tell you one thing. You are amazing, just the way you are. That isn’t convincing?
Lets do something, pick up a mirror. Look into the mirror, smile. Do this tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow and the day after the day tomorrow. When you pray, begin with thanking God for that thing you don’t like. Do this every day and you will have a breakthrough, peace settled in your heart. I still have some other areas of my life where I need a breakthrough. I believe not too far in the future, I will share more stories.
I think someone has a contribution to this. We want to read, please go ahead and leave it in the comment box. Bless our lives with your breakthrough testimony or an advice. You may save someone from a suicide attempt today.Please, also share after reading.
I am your friend,
I love you.