Greatly bothered, I am thinking: what does life mean?
I lay in my bed, staring into nothingness, everything seemed to be blur. Then my thoughts drifted. Drifted back to memories, memories long forgotten, now rushing back all over again. I could remember when I was much younger, how we were taught a song about life; it says:
Life looks so funny, that we don’t understand
We live today and tomorrow we are gone
What does life mean?
Adam and eve have lived and died
Mum and dad are gone
Tomorrow might be my own turn
What shall I tell my God?
You see as sad as this song was it was embedded deeply in my heart. I lost a dear friend at a tender age. I can remember so clearly cause we were together at my place she helped with chores that day and we talked so much about school, I could remember how we played with the grasshopper on the stairs. The next day, on assembly ground, she was announced DEAD.
Can you imagine my shock? I was and couldn’t fathom what I heard.
There were recurring flashes of her image whenever I was alone, but I learnt to let go before imaginations of the dead made me mad. I Consoled myself with her being with the lord.
Yes, being with the lord.
You see, we are in a generation were all things goes, the jet age, so full of freedom yet indirectly caged. The global age, where everyone seems connected yet undeniably alone, where self-love seem to be the order of the day yet depression abounds greatly.
Where everyone have rights to association yet each believing theirs is best. Where Religion seem to be the greatest movement yet many are lost along the way.
Once, I was asked,” have you ever doubted God’s existence?” If I have ever questioned him. One of my questions was, What does life mean?
Sadly I have threaded a bit that way but in my doubts, I found him again.
While growing up, we were taught about Jesus Christ the saviour of the whole world. We believed because we were taught to believe. We prayed because we were taught to pray. We sang praises because that’s what we learnt. But did we really understand what it meant to be with the lord? Maybe, maybe not. Perhaps because we were babes.
Is it about dying like my friend years ago and we saying rest in perfect peace?
I certainly hope not.
If we let go our childish reasoning of doing what we were taught just because we were taught and truly for ourselves grasp even a minute knowledge of him then probably we would know more about being with the lord.
I have learnt, being with the lord brings me peace,
gives me joy unspeakable,
gives me the authority to speak,
gives me strength,
teaches me love every day.
Am still learning because this knowledge is so broad it can never be compressed into adjectives.
Then I ask, just like the song says- tomorrow might be my own turn, what shall I tell my God?
My deep solemn thoughts- I question myself again; Am I doing it right? Is it my will or his will? Have I even tapped into the abilities he has given me? Do I use this authority given to its maximum?
Just what exactly am I going to tell my God at the end of the journey called life?