THE ENEMY CALLED ‘COMPARISON’
Growing up with Tony was indeed a long one. He was a definition of true friend even before I knew what friendship was all about; this made us go through the brinks of life together.
He was way closer to me than my siblings and understood some things about me even more than my parents did. And it wouldn’t be wrong for me to say my world revolved around his.
Tony was one hell of a character, he had the physique, the charisma and above all, he was a funny character which made him the center of attraction (most especially to the female folks.)
I was wrapped in my shell and kept wondering when I am going to break out from my microcosm. Not like I didn’t enjoy the company of others and the warmth of friendship, but I was an introvert. This made Tony the man of the show.
Everyone appreciated his presence and no matter how crazy he acted, girls found him not annoying, instead he became more interesting and they kept laughing.
If Tony isn’t in school in a day, the class is boring and that’s the opportunity I had to actually talk to my female colleagues and that was when they came to ask me why my friend wasn’t in school and I would say the much I know. That is the end of the show.
I felt lost and unnoticed. Not just from how I felt people saw me, but the way I began to see myself. Tony was my friend but I began to feel intimidated. I thought he was better of in some way than I am even though academically, I was more balanced than he. But I felt like I was loosing and my heart became troubled.
In no time, I began to act like Tony, talk like Tony and dress like he would too. I never knew how all these began to happen, it was like reflex.
When I knew how bad it was was when one of the girls I was trying to impress called me and said, ‘Hey! Dozie I think you are loosing it, you now act and talk like Tony your friend. What happened?’
And that was it, the statement that wouldn’t leave me in a long time. I felt like I had been trapped in a noose and impeded to a spot.
Her wedding was the talk in town, prominent men of all calibers in Nigeria you could imagine came to the wedding. Your friend and her Hubby’s picture is everywhere on the gossip blogs and you wished you were in your friends shoes.
Did she tell you she found him cheating with his ex’ on the wedding eve? But he pleaded to change so she decided to do the do.
Did you know that has been the challenge in their marriage till this moment?
Do you know this guy that is full of life and cracks everyone up in your gathering that you assume if you were like him you wouldn’t bother about anything because he finds joke in everything?
Has he ever mentioned his ailing heart condition to you? He has to manage himself not to be on the extreme of the moods so as not to loose his life.
I guess you never knew that?
She is the hottest on campus and guys would know the level of confidence they have to walk up to her, just to say ‘hi.’
Whenever there is holiday she tells you she isn’t going yet. You think its because her income never dries or that her supply is unwavering.
If you had known the slum she stayed in Lagos, I am sure by now all those respect you had accorded her must have waned.
Chuka is called up to support financially, from but religious to humatarian contributions on campus. And he donates handsomely, always looking cute in his ride and had won personality of the year on campus like it was his birth right.
And you had imagined him coming from a house of gold.
Has he ever told you that the greatest pain that is and would always remain in his life was that his mom and dad were divorced when he was just 5. Leaving both him and his kid sister vulnerable?
Often times we tend to look outside the window, blinding us from seeing how beautiful the room can be when we pick a broom, sweep it and arrange it to a wonderful taste.
In my words, COMPARISON is a psychological prison that blinds you to yourself.
Shouldn’t we look at people? Far from my intents. We aren’t perfect and not where we think we can be. We can look up to people for mentorship and motivation, but we shouldn’t loose our lives to people, by trying to measure up to their standards.
There are many days in the year and hours in the clock and no two persons was actually given birth to at same time (not even twins.)
So why fight a fight when there is no war? Why do you subject your self to chains made by you? Why cork a gun only to fire the shots on yourself?
You are a collection of purpose and plan. You are not there yet because you haven’t discovered your PATH and BEST of you.
Ask for the detail before you make your judgement. That you know the shades surrounding a person doesn’t mean you have known the person too well. Everyone would show you their best, just to keep you because, ‘under-wears was meant for the inside.’
Stop comparing, Keep Pushing.
Don’t make COMPARISON which is become the greatest enemy of your dreams your best friend you always resort to.
Hope you enjoyed this piece, If you did and learnt a thing or two, please leave the lesson you learnt from this piece in the comment box. If you have any contributions to make as well, please leave them in the comment box. Please share after reading, your friends will be glad you did.
Written by Dozie Ethelbert.
Dozie is a final year student in Federal University of Technology Owerri studying Project Management. He is an ardent reader and loves traveling. He is one of the few young Nigerians that believes that Nigeria can be a nation of our dreams and a land to reckon with. This has spurred him into politics and he hopes that he would become the governor of Enugu state someday.