Growing up is not so scary any more, I thought it was, when I turned 20, I was scared. I felt I really had no worth, I had nothing that many girls my age had, even though I knew I had potentials and a few commitments in the church. I wasn’t satisfied, I wanted more, I always want more, you also possess the same desire. Is this greed?
I had just been admitted to read a course I had changed my mind about, even though it was something I wanted before. I didn’t have a choice, I just had to go, to feel like many of my friends, I had to go to school. There was a deep seething need to stop seeing myself as a failure, I had done so swell to hide how terrible I felt because I was yet to be admitted into a tertiary institution. I didn’t even get to study in a school I really loved.
In a few days, I will be a year older, don’t guess I will be 21 because I began the post with when I turned 20. I wish you will not think that my life is full of regrets, because, contrary to this, I have enjoyed as much as I have endured some of the things that shaped my life. Growing up comes with knowing that I have to be responsible for my own failures, knowing this strengthens my heart and I know that I have to, not only desire success, but work for it.
You truly cannot grow if you do not begin to form your own ideologies, philosophies and strong beliefs (don’t you think these words all mean the same thing?) These, supported by the word of God will be a compass, you cannot afford to just be on the go without a bearing.
Permit me to alter this statement a little. Having a vision, knowing your purpose, keeping focus, are all important but do not let them keep you. What do I mean? You shouldn’t stay stuck in the middle of nowhere because you haven’t found your purpose yet. You can get started first, make the mistakes too so that when you eventually get on track, the mistakes will not be repeated. If I knew this before I was 20, I wouldn’t have been scared, I guess.
I am a Christian, I also know that all things work out for good for those who love God, I loved Jesus as a teenager, the days when I wished for the perfect life I never saw, I wondered, why aren’t things working out, the answer I got was, maybe I didn’t love him enough and that made me cry. I still love Jesus, so, when things aren’t working out, because I am growing( I dare not say I am grown) I realize it is an opportunity to soak myself in praise, my irritation leads me to just praising God.
Growing up came with a kind of self-awareness. I wasn’t simply irritated by my failures, I started becoming irritated by many other things that I see on daily basis, on the streets of Lagos, I had to hold on to my emotions, I didn’t even know what I felt yesterday seeing a man who was attacked on Eko bridge and no one could help him till a military man came along. I was upset for feeling weak.
Subsequently, as I muster more courage to make myself more and more vulnerable, I know I will share a lot more of my irritations. Another great feeling is that I do not see myself like every other young person, even if the difference is just 0.001%, it counts for something and it means the world to me.
This piece of writing isn’t actually for me, it is for someone out there, I don’t know, but I am sure. perhaps, it is a bigger me writing again to me to still put in more work and trust God- this is so important, to challenge myself and break higher grounds.
Trust me when I say, Growing up feels exciting. Who doesn’t agree? Please leave your comments in the box, I will be excited to read it and respond too.
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