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How I got the big gap.

Flora 18

We are going to the dentist to know what we can do about this tooth. When school is on holiday, I will take you to the hospital mom told me. I had never visited a dentist, I thought only special kids had issues that took them to the dentist, so, I was anxious. I really wanted to tell the story of my visit to the dentist, what it felt like. I was only 11, in j.s.s. 2 and didn’t know I would be telling the story of how I got the big gap.

If I had known that the hurt this visit would cause me would last longer than two days of eating only cold meals and constant washing of my mouth with warm water and salt as prescribed by the doctor ( a prescription indeed), I wouldn’t have allowed mom take me to see Mr. dentist, who assured me that everything was going to be fine after he had looked at the result of the x-ray which I did. Perhaps, Mr. Dentist isn’t to be blamed, but my mom.

The tooth should be out in six months, if it doesn’t you will have to come back to and we will help you force it out and but braces on them. I immediately started imagining what it would and feel like to be one of those nerdy kids that used glasses and had braces in their mouth for teeth support. I wanted that. I was already a shy girl and wasn’t among the popular kids in school so it didn’t matter after all.

Let me see your teeth, mom said when I got home from the hospital. I opened my mouth to reveal the ‘big gap’ between my front teeth. My tooth was gone. Mummy, the dentist said if after six months the tooth hiding under my gum doesn’t come out, I should come back to have it forced out, then he will put braces on them, I innocently told my mom.  Braces? That will not happen, don’t worry, within six months, the tooth will be out. From that day, I walked about with my ‘ big gap’ and my imagination of what the braces will look like on me.

Eleven years later, I am still wondering, was there really a tooth hiding somewhere? All these years, I had to live with envy for every girl who had a pretty smile showing her teeth in her pictures. Even when I had to laugh while with friends, I had to cover my mouth with my hands so I don’t show my ugly teeth to everyone.

 

How i got my big gap
This picture isn’t clear. It still tells a story. I was out with my friend and he wanted to take this picture. He was encouraging me to show my teeth but I just wouldn’t. Picture was taken four years ago.

This conscious living was a burden to me as a teenager, even into early adulthood, I prayed for that time in my life when I can finally get a lasting solution. Compliments like ‘ I like your smile, never came and when they did, made me nervous. I felt like Cinderella the unappreciated pretty girl. My siblings, even though younger, teased me sore and friends were not encouraging.

cinderella the unappreciated girl

When I eventually started using a smart-phone, and could take photographs to post on Facebook, I always reminded myself not to smile with my teeth showing. In-fact, I rehearsed before my shots. How do you think this affected my self-confidence? My relationships? I had a boyfriend who I felt didn’t like me much because in my mind I always thought, I wasn’t pretty enough. Every aspect of my life was affected by what seemed to be a simple thing that really didn’t matter. Dear me.

How i got my big gap
This was three years ago in my first year in school. I dare not take a shot for anyone to see my teeth.

Breakthroughs are necessary healing pills. I longed for my breakthrough. I longed for the day I was going to upload one picture with my teeth showing. For moments I would share with friends without feeling that I needed to be conscious around them. I longed to love every photograph I took that reveals my ‘big gap’ while I smile. Dear courage, thank you for wrapping me in your arms the day I took this picture.

 

the big gap
I took this after convincing myself that it wasn’t so bad.

There are thousands of me out me out there. Thousands who loathe their bodies or something they are ashamed of. That one thing that has kept you in the bondage of self loathing, anger, jealousy, a trampled self-confidence, a wounded pride and left you with no self-love.

You know I thought then that my boyfriend didn’t like me much because he didn’t think I was pretty enough. Guess what? I was merely thinking for him. Another guess? You are doing the same too. Most times when we think people see our flaws and judge us by them, they don’t see nothing. These are our own self inflicting imaginations. I cannot offer 10 or 15 steps to breakthrough. I can simply tell you one thing. You are amazing, just the way you are. That isn’t convincing?

Lets do something, pick up a mirror. Look into the mirror, smile. Do this tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow and the day after the day tomorrow. When you pray, begin with thanking God for that thing you don’t like. Do this every day and you will have a breakthrough, peace settled in your heart. I still have some other areas of my life where I need a breakthrough. I believe not too far in the future, I will share more stories.

I think someone has a contribution to this. We want to read, please go ahead and leave it in the comment box. Bless our lives with your breakthrough testimony or an advice. You may save someone from a suicide attempt today.Please, also share after reading.

I am your friend,

Flora Ezeani.

I love you.

 

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18 Comments on "How I got the big gap."

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Doyin
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Oh boy.
Thank you Flora for this.
The many little things we take for granted.
By the way , You do have a beautiful smile ;). keep flaunting the gap lol

Dozie
Guest

Mine was the acclaimed feminine fingers and unmale foot(I would say), that was an issue of criticism and attack and I never let my fists out in public.

Adedamola
Guest

Waoh… This is a bold piece. I like your courage. It’s definitely a bliss when we grow past what we think as deficiencies in us, and use them as blessings to others. Doyin nailed it, you indeed have a beautiful smile. Thanks for sharing.

Oladapo George
Guest
I’ll start by thanking you for this piece cus I’ve learnt something from it, thanking God for the things you don’t like about yourself… that’s interesting 🙂 But this piece brings back memories of when I prescribed a song to a Friend of mine J. Cole – Crooked Smile ft TLC sadly She didn’t enjoy it like I did and She even deleted it Loolz 😀 but its all good though… well, if it helps, you or anybody needing self love could listen… I’m sure the message would give them as much courage as it did Me 🙂 Thank you… Read more »
MiracleQuist
Guest

Wow. Nice write up on courage. One has to fight the shadows of little things that tend tl hold us back to the illusions of our seeming flaws which always turn out to be blessings and perfection.
You came out of your cocoon. I hope I find the courage to come out of mine too and speak out.

MiracleQuist
Guest

Forgot to add…. You are beauty unadulterated..

Princess Idongesit
Guest

You my darling, inspired me..thanks..

zino
Guest

I always wondered why u never really smiled on ur picts. i have 3 gap oh and I flount them oh me no send anybody oh. pls smile oh it really looks gud on u. no time.

Seyi
Guest

Thank you for this Flora, happy you were able to overcome and breakthrough; indeed there are millions of people still leaving under such and wish reads this.
Took me a while to finanly settle to read the post (*covering my face*) but im happy I finally did because I took something out of your story to apply to some areas of my life. The truth is that 80% of the thoughts that run through our minds – those self limiting imaginations – are not real.

Thank you flora once again, I look forward to read more of your breakthrough stories 🙂

Seyi

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